Keeping your Identity as an accompanying Partner

When accompanying a partner on an expatriate posting most people experience confusion in a very central element of life – their identity. Identity is compromised by factors including one’s roles, job, professional status, family and friends, and self confidence. With a move abroad, there can be a loss of career and accompanying loss of independence and sense of worth. Roles within the community may be lost, and friends, family and social networks will be either gone or very different. It is common to experience depression, frustration, boredom, anxiety, loss of control, decrease in self confidence and resentment towards your partner.

There is much you can do either in this situation or to prepare for expatriation or immigration that will aid you in overcoming this loss of identity.

Firstly, spent some introspective time alone examining what you perceive your identity to consist of. What defines you? What makes you the person you are? How do you describe yourself? Consider how these aspects of your life are going to change, and prepare yourself to experience a sense of loss. How are you going to deal with it? Do you have someone you can chat to about this beside your partner?

With regards to career, have you considered any other options such as telecommuting, investigating a new career, online business opportunities, writing, etc? Jo Parfitt’s book, A Career in your Suitcase, is an excellent resource for ideas and practical steps in developing a mobile vocation. A hobby such as writing or photography can be harnessed to provide a fulfilling profession. Using the time to further your studies can be a rewarding way to develop your career while an expat.

Are there any ways that you can change your perspective on how your identity is formed? In re-evaluating your identity, consider whether you could create new ways of structuring your sense of self. Could you build it more around your family, or your status as an expatriate or traveller, your passions that you are able to practise where you are, or a new career?