Prague

Here are a few photos of my recent trip to Prague.

Going away

Dear Readers
I will be away for the next 3 weeks on holiday, traveling in Germany, the Czech Republic and Austria. I will occasionally go online to blog, but it will be rather sporadical. For all those of you who are on holiday, have a lovely one, and see you next year!

Czech wonder

Most people who go to the Czech Republic visit Prague only. However, the rest of the country is extremelly beautiful and rich in history. Here is another inspiration board of sights accross the Czech Republic in preparation for my travels there next week.

Prague Inspiration

We will be visiting beautiful Prague in a few days time. I made this inspiration board of the city in anticipation.

Holiday travel to Germany

This holiday season my husband and I will be paying my family in Germany a visit. They have been living there for over four years now, and it’s lovely to see how they’ve settled and feel at home in their new locality. They really do live in a beautiful part of the country, amid apple orchards with beautiful views of mountains. In some ways their adaptation is strange to me – although I still recognise many aspects of the ‘home’ I grew up in, there are many new additions. My mom’s style of cooking has changed considerably – nut cakes and spätzle are now served at the table, candles are lit at breakfast times, shoes are left at the front door, and when the phone rings my sister will warble off in the local German dialect. While I feel at home there, I’m very aware that I am in a different country with a different culture to my own.

It will be the first time that my mister has been to Europe – I am so excited about him going! While we are there we will be travelling to the Czech Republic, to visit Prague and Česky Krumlov. Photos and travel journal to follow!

Why travel?

Losses for the accompaying partner

An often overlooked aspect of expatriation abroad is the impact of the move on the accompanying spouse’s goals and desires. As an accompanying partner, have you considered how you will adjust to the result of this move on your life?

Often the spouse is not able to work in the host country, and this means sacrificing career and job. Accompanied by a loss of friends, social networks, activities and community involvement, this can take a heavy toll on one’s sense of identity, purpose, and direction. These aspects of our lives take time, hard work, and commitment to develop. Suddenly having to let them all go can be a frightening and devastating experience. If these issues are not dealt with, resentment, bitterness and anger can build up, especially if it feels as though one partner is suffering for the other’s gain.

Here are some strategies for meeting this challenge:

Discuss these issues together
Is taking an overseas position something both of you want? Does one partner feel forced into going? What are your fears? How realistic are your expectations about life abroad? To what extent are you prepared to stick by this decision? Are there any situations that would result in either of you desiring to return home? It is important for both parties to be involved in and committed to the decision to go. A decision that so deeply affects every aspect of your lives must be shared, or a situation can be created where it is easy to blame one another for difficulties; “You are the one who wanted to come here in the first place, this is your fault!”. It is important to be honest in discussing this – a move abroad is not an easy thing, and if not treated as a shared goal it can drive a wedge between you.

Develop shared goals
Why are you moving? What are you planning to achieve during your expatriation? Is to it travel? Save money? Experience living in a different culture? Build a career? Enjoy a better lifestyle? Decide on these together, and work toward them. Decide on how you will achieve them. For example, you will go on a two week holiday to a different region every 6 months. Have this discussion with your children as well. What goals can they set for themselves and for you as a family during this time? Write them down. Reminding yourself of them will keep you positive when things get difficult.

What can you do to offset losses?
If you feel that you will be losing a career, consider whether there are any options available for you to carve out a new career, for example in entering a field that you are interested in, or developing a hobby into a job. One person completed a short course and began to give English lessons to adults, which she found she enjoyed more than her previous occupation. You could use this as an opportunity to study, or to focus on your children’s development. Plan strategies for getting involved in your host community.

Invest in a mentor
Finding a mentor, counsellor or coach to debrief to can be a very effective way to come to terms with and overcome a sense of loss, and a good guide in developing a new career or direction. A counsellor can provide safe environment to express frustrations and concerns.

Taking Risks

Calvin & Hobbes is a favourite cartoon of mine. Moving to a different country seems a hugely risky and uncertain choice, but some people, like Calvin, would rather accept this and leap into an adventure than choose to stay in the security of what is known.

Are you ready to take your sled whizzing through unexplored terrain?

When in Rome... Driving Styles

It’s fascinating how the culture of a place can have such a significant influence on my behaviour. Today I allowed a taxi to overtake me on the wrong side of the road, and then push in front of me without even the slightest raise in my blood pressure. What a change to when I first came here! I’ve discovered that while driving in Germany, I was a model of restraint and order and followed the rules of the road to the letter. However, behind the driver’s wheel in Spain I shook my fist out the window, shouting at fellow drivers and taking crazy chances crossing lanes and squeezing between cars. In France I closed my eyes as we went round corners with trucks hurtling past us on narrow country roads with no shoulders. I drew the line in Italy and decided I’d rather walk.

How are you influenced by the behaviour of people in different countries?

Snail Mail

If you have a friend living far from you, why not send them an old fashioned hand writen letter by post. It is a lovely surprise to receive something personal by mail and you are sure to make their day.

Meeting communication needs

Keeping in contact with friends in your home country

Leaving your home country often involves a flurry of quick goodbyes to friends and family, and promises of “I’ll write!”, but many people’s experiences show that it is not easy to keep in contact with those back home.

One of the main reasons for this is that it does take much more effort to write to someone than to communicate with them in our normal day to day, face to face interactions. Many feel they are too busy, or the person slips from their mind because they don’t see them regularly. Realise that not all your friends who promised they would write will do so, and rather focus on those who are committed to maintaining contact. The quality of communication will be better when you have five friends to write to than trying to keep fifteen up to date with your new life.

Before you leave, try to gauge how interested various friends are in keeping contact, and discuss with them how you will do so. Try to set up a reliable way to get in touch with them as soon as possible after your arrival.

Nowadays there are many tools that are available to keep in touch. Consider investing in a notebook with a built-in camera – seeing the other person you are talking to can really make conversations come alive – and they are much less hassle than a separate webcam. You can take your laptop with you on business trips as well. Find out about the cost of phoning between countries (international call cards are often quite cheap) or use a programme such as Skype to make calls over the internet. Sign up for an online photo album, such as flickr, and upload photos regularly. Your annotations and the pictures of your environment are much more successful than letters in giving your loved ones a clear idea of what it is like to be you in your new home. Putting your profile onto a social networking site such as facebook will allow friends and family to view your site, and see what is happening in your life without having an email from you – this is especially helpful for those who are poor at keeping in touch. Social networking sites are a useful tool as each time you add or update your site, all your friends are automatically notified thereof when they log onto the site. Consider starting up a blog as on online diary.

Another topic to address is the content of what you write. Communication between friends often deteriorates when you can no longer relate to each other’s lives and experiences. What often happens is the person in the host country writes of their exciting new experiences, all the places they have visited, etc, and the person in the home country feels they have nothing to say because their life has stayed the same. When communicating with those in your home country, highlight day to day life – something funny one of your children said, an experience while grocery shopping, a good book you read – your friends need to know that you’re still the same person and they will feel more at ease with topics they can relate to. In talking about your new experiences, be careful not to boast about new luxuries you may have, your excellent financial situation, all the travel and holidays you are going on, etc. Friends may experience jealousy, and you also need to let them know about frustrations and problems you have to deal with. Also, communicating about your thoughts, emotions, etc will keep them more connected to you than long stories of where you went and what you saw. When things are not going well, and in the process of adjusting to culture shock you are feeling negative about the country and culture in which you find yourself, be careful not to use them to just ‘offload’ on and rant about all the things that frustrate and annoy you.

Friends and family at home can be a great support to you and provide an important link to your culture. They are usually your main social network in your first few weeks of being in a new country. Remember to thank them for keeping in touch with you and for being willing to put in the additional time and effort.

Beautiful Winelands

While in Cape Town we spent a two days visiting the Cape Winelands - a lush area of vineyards and fruit orchards surrounded by dramatic mountains and dotted with sweet historic towns. After we came home I made up this inspiration board with photos I had taken. Enjoy!

Inspirational Cape Town

I completed this inspiration board of the 'Mother City' before I left - the bright bold colours capture the mood of the city on a Summer's day.

Pictures (from top to bottom, left to right) are of:

Cape point, the brightly painted houses of Bo-Kaap, dramatic Hex River Valley, fishing boats in Kalk Bay, vineyards of the Cape Winelands, the Waterfront with Table mountain in the background, vibrant beach huts on St James' beach, Cape Dutch style house in Stellenbosch, wine barrells, the cape penguin, and the University of Cape Town's campus.

Cape Town

I recently spent a week in Cape Town visiting my sister who leads a beautiful life in this coastal city. Here we are watching penguins on the beach. My favourite experience was the bohemian atmosphere and elegant dilapidation of restaurant Olympia which serves delicious food and local wines in a historic café near Kalk bay harbour. We watched the chefs at work and the groups of people sitting at bare wooden tables with mismatched chairs, and afterwards walked out to the harbour lighthouse to enjoy the waves whipped up by the salty air.

I thoroughly enjoyed the people of Cape Town – much more relaxed than their inland city cousins, they seemed to taste more of life – people walking their dogs on the beach, flights kites over an estuary on the weekend, strolling in the forests that rise against the mountains… My sister told me that arriving any earlier than half an hour late for any social function led to awkward discomfort as the first and only guest taking up a lonely chair.

I could live here, I told my husband.

He wisely reminded me that being on holiday in a place, and living there, are two entirely different things. There is a fair share of grief, loss and loneliness in leaving a home and setting up a new one. The hurdles to be overcome can sometimes obscure the view of the beautiful and exciting place you moved to, and your reasons and hopes for a fresh life.

To those of you who are seeing a gloomy and dark picture of life in a new place – go on a wander and remind yourself of the beauty of where you are and your aspirations in moving there.

Changed by the Journey

Making friends in a new community

One of the greatest challenges facing those who have moved into a new community is making new friends and social contacts. Most experience feelings of loneliness with friends and family far away, and a lack of face-to-face contact with people in their new location. This is especially true for accompanying partners who may not be able to work and thus do not have a natural opportunity to meet and interact with others on a daily basis.

The best starting point in making contacts in a new environment is to realise that the people you meet have already got established social networks – they have a group of friends and there is no need for them to reach out and include you. It is up to you to take the initiative in meeting people.

How is this done? A great way to meet others socially is to join a group of people with a shared interest. Find out about classes offered in your area – a language course is always a good idea, and many communities offer interest courses such as dancing or scrapbooking. Dust off your old equipment and join a social sport club, such as football, squash, etc. This is probably the mostly easily available type of club. Find out if there is a club dedicated to a hobby in which you have an interest, e.g. model airplanes, a book club, etc. Churches and other religious institutions are usually extremely welcoming and often have regular meetings for specific groups such as young adults, mothers, businesspeople, etc. Consider volunteering for a few hours a week at a non profit organisation. This will involve you in the community and in a team environment. Ask colleagues and neighbours about clubs they know of, and peruse community notice boards, newspapers and internet sites. You may need to develop a new hobby or interest!

Try to move regularly in social areas where people have the opportunity to mingle, such as parks, beaches, markets and libraries. Introduce yourself to your neighbours, and if appropriate invite them over for a visit. Work colleagues can become friends, and are often your main social contacts, especially in the early stages of a move. If there are regular office social meetings, consider joining these. Remember though to be wary of allowing your entire social network to consist of work colleagues, as there are certain topics and problems that you will not be able to discuss, and this could leave you feeling isolated and lonely.

Involving yourself in social situations will increase your opportunities of meeting people, and go a long way in helping you to build new relationships.

Jacaranda Blossoms

It’s important to find things that you enjoy about the place you live. Today I am appreciative of the Jacarandas in bloom across the city, beautiful amethyst blossoms against the vibrant blue skies of summer.

Starting 'a life abroad'

Living abroad - whether as an expatriate or an emigrant - is a challenging and immensely rewarding experience. I have embarked on blog writing to provide articles, counsel, helpful links, thoughts, inspiration and ideas for those who find themselves starting a new life in a place very different from their home.

Please add comments and feedback, let me know what you found helpful and what you would like to know more about.

Bon voyage, émigré!